What is the key to lifelong happiness? Each of us might have different responses to that question, reflecting on joy in the here-and-now as well as sustainable, authentic happiness over the years.
If you’re the sort of person who likes to learn “best practices” when it comes to emotional well-being, look no further than Harvard University, whose Study of Adult Development is one of the longest-running pieces of happiness research. The study launched in 1938, following 764 men—then teenagers—from around the world.
The findings point us in this direction: the greatest source of long-term happiness is positive relationships we cultivate with others.
![Two friends of different ages in conversation](https://dev.guideposts.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/Two-friends-of-different-ages-768x432.jpg)
The Key to Lifelong Happiness: “Social Fitness”
The Harvard researchers use the term “social fitness” to describe the positive relationships that they note among people who report greater happiness over their lifetimes. The hallmarks of a socially fit person include:
- Honesty when assessing which friendships and relationships are serving your life—and the courage to move on from those that aren’t.
- A variety of types of relationships, including friends of different ages, with different life experiences, and including casual friendships as well as deep ones.
- Strong communication skills, including understanding how to apologize when necessary.
- Empathy and compassion for others—and recognition of how you and a friend contribute to each other’s lives.
![Two friends, man and woman, talking to each other](https://dev.guideposts.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/Man-and-woman-friends-talking-to-each-other-768x432.jpg)
What Makes a Positive Relationship?
Friendship, like love, is a muscle that needs to be exercised regularly if it’s to remain strong. Positive relationships often have these things in common:
- We share interests, passions, or values.
- We hold space for each other when our friends are struggling.
- We celebrate and mourn together.
- We reflect on our own role in the friendship, using a “mirror,” not a “magnifying glass” to solve problems.
![Two women gardening together](https://dev.guideposts.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/Two-women-gardening-768x432.jpg)
Positive Relationships Keep Us Physically Healthier
Fostering positive relationships in these ways help us stay healthier and live longer. And if good health and longevity aren’t ingredients in lifelong happiness, I don’t what is. Try these other longevity-supporting activities (with a friend!) for a health-and-happiness win-win.
How “socially fit” do you feel? Take stock of your relationships and see how you can build more positivity—and happiness—into each connection you have with another person.