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“Why Am I Doing What I’m Doing, God?”

Too many events, too many thoughts muddling up any prayer time. What on earth to do?

I was really too busy, too many events, too much disorganized thinking in my head, too many thoughts muddling up any prayer time.

What on earth to do? I was mostly tempted to add to the busyness—in hopes that finishing something would give me a bit of rest or supply distraction.

Then I stopped. “Why are you doing all this stuff?” I asked. What gives? Here’s how author Jan Johnson puts it in her book Abundant Simplicity: “If we’re asked to do something we don’t want to do but have told ourselves, ‘I really should go,’ it’s wise to pause.”

Maybe this is the real pause that refreshes. Instead of simply plowing ahead, stop and pull the divine into the equation, asking “Why am I doing this?”

“Too many followers of Christ beat themselves up when they don’t want to do something they think they should do,” writes Johnson. “Then they force themselves to do it out of guilt, which often leads to resentment. They miss an exquisite opportunity to have a conversation with God.”

Here’s the twist with me. If I take that time to pause and have that conversation, it gives me the chance to see that what might have felt like an obligation was a blessing. No guilt, just blessing. Or simply a no, thanks.

No reason to plow ahead on my own stubborn way.

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