I listen to my husband sleep beside me, and I envy his ability to drift, to close out the worries and find rest. I’m tired. It’s way past bedtime. The day has been full and the hours sped by, but even with my husband Lonny’s arms around me in the most safe, comfortable way, I’m restless.
My mind moves fast.
Worrisome thoughts are quick to rise up in the dark.
I toss. I turn. I pray for the ability to sleep. But a recent conversation with a son brought fear, and in the hush of darkness, worry is loud. Our antique clocks tick. The dog breathes on his cushion beside my bed. But mostly I hear the rush of anxiety that brews and bubbles and rises tall no matter how I try to push it down.
Then I hear a whisper, a whisper to my soul.
Remember how you cared for your child today?
I think about my afternoon. My youngest son Isaiah has the flu. He’d been sick, over and over, and he cried with aches and pain. I helped him bathe and change into soft, fresh pajamas and I made a place for him in my own bed. The day held plenty, but I couldn’t leave my boy. I pushed away thoughts of my to-do list and slipped under the covers. I curved around my son and held him while he hurt. And after a while, his breath went even with rest. In and out. In and out. My son’s cheeks burned warm, but I held him and watched over him while he slept.
Oh, how a parent is drawn to the peace of her child’s rest…
It’s the same with the Lord.
I lay down and slept, yet I woke up in safety, for the LORD was watching over me. (Psalm 3:5, NLT)
This promise comes to mind and to heart, and its true, powerful grace comforts me in the dark. The battle with worry becomes stronger in silence, yet the Lord reminds me that He’s here. He’s fully present. His love wraps around me, fills my spirit like air fills my lungs. It’s necessary. It’s life-preserving.
The Lord’s Presence brings safety. He’s with me in this moment, and He’s with my other son in his struggle.
In His Presence I can rest.
As my thoughts go fuzzy with fatigue, it moves me that the Lord often speaks to me through tender moments of motherhood. While I care for my children, He opens my spirit to His care for me.
The clocks still tick, and the dog sleeps, and my husband reaches, even his rest, for my hand. I close my eyes and let go of the worry. I release what haunts my spirit.
The Lord is near.
I’m watched, protected…held.
