As I sat in the meeting, my six picture-book manuscripts neatly stacked atop my planner, I smiled.
It was finally happening. People were taking notice of my writing. I would soon be a published children’s book author. Visions of book signings danced in my head.
“Your stories are so cute,” Gena, my coworker, said. “I can’t wait to see them in print.”
“Thanks,” I answered, beaming. “I can’t either.”
Just then, the meeting began and my boss hurried through the other items on the agenda. Finally it was my turn. We were going to discuss my manuscripts. I fidgeted in my seat with excitement.
“Michelle, in order to give your books a better chance of selling, we have decided to put our children’s minister’s name on the front,” my boss explained to the room full of people. “She already has quite a following, and her name recognition alone will guarantee sales. And after all–isn’t it about getting the message out? It’s not really about who wrote the book.”
My mouth dropped open. My heart sank. And my eyes filled with tears.
“You mean my name isn’t going to be on the books at all?” I asked, trying to remain calm. “But I wrote them!”
“Yes, but you work for us, and you wrote the books on company time,” she said, sternly. “And we’ve decided that this is the best way to proceed.”
All eyes fixed on me.
My eyes, which I thought were fixed on Jesus, were suddenly fixed on my manuscripts.
I got up, grabbed my stories and left the meeting without saying a word.
That night, after I relayed the horrible story to my husband, he consoled me, then said, “Why don’t you just give them the books? They aren’t yours anyway. They’re God’s.”
Ouch!
I didn’t want to hear that. I liked it better when he was in consoling mode, telling me everything would be OK.
I had the weekend to lick my wounds, but when Monday morning arrived, I still wasn’t ready to face my boss. I couldn’t tell her I was OK with having someone else’s name on the front of the books that God had given to me because I hated the idea. I felt hurt. I felt betrayed. I felt… wrong.
On the drive into the office, the Holy Spirit ministered to me. Would you be willing to write life-changing books for me even if no one ever knew that you wrote them?
As tears streamed down my face, I realized that there was a part of me I had never given to God. All of my career aspirations and publishing dreams seemed too precious to hand over to him.
I wrestled with myself during that drive into work, realizing it was one of those monumental moments in my life–a turning point. I had to make a decision right then and there. Was I going to write for me? Or was I going to write for God?
As I parked my car, I prayed five simple words: I work for you, God.
Immediately I felt a weight lift from my heavy heart. I wiped my tears, and without hesitation I marched into my supervisor’s office and asked to speak with her.
“Sure,” she said, motioning for me to sit down.
“I don’t care if you put ‘written by Mickey Mouse’ on the cover of these books,” I shared. “They are yours to do with what you want. It’s not about me. It’s all about God. I realize that now.”
She leaned over the desk and hugged me.
She’d never done that before.
“You know, I believe that God has big plans for your writing,” she whispered. “Sometimes we have to go through the fire to get rid of all the impurities before we can go forward and walk fully in our callings.”
I began a new career that day in 1999, working for a new Boss. Since I gave my writing to God, he has given me more than 60 book contracts and thousands of article sales in return. I keep those five simple words–I work for you, God–on a piece of paper in my Bible. It’s a constant reminder to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus. It’s not about the published books. It’s not about the awards. It’s all about him.
What are you withholding from God today? If you’ll give it to him, you’ll discover you can never out-give God. He has big plans for you, and he’s a really great boss.
